I wanted to share something that was on my heart and mind today… something that I personally experienced on last week:
As many of you know ((and for those of you who don’t know, you will now :o) )), I am adopted. YES! YP_TEE is an adopted person. For those of you who have followed the portion of my story that I have shared through blogs and twitter know that I wasn’t aware that I was adopted until two weeks AFTER my 18th Birthday. I wasn’t supposed to find out but a good friend of the family shared it with me. She had NO idea that the moment she said (during a casual conversation): “Tee, When you were adopted…” that I had NO clue that I was. Then she busted out with: “Tee, I always thought you knew that you were adopted.” Those 5 words (Tee, When you were adopted …) changed my ENTIRE life. Changed my WHOLE perspective of LIFE period!
It was SEVERAL years ago that I got past the DEPRESSION piece that plagued me for YEARS after I learned that I was adopted. My Whole Life “seemed” (to me) like one big JOKE! I can’t even tell you how many days & nights I cried, or how many sleepless nights I have had or how many holidays I mourned instead of rejoicing. It was a Journey that took me through a lot of twisted emotions. I went through A LOT mentally, physically, emotionally & spiritually.
I was SMILING on the outside, but INSIDE I was dying! I was PREACHING but BLEEDING! I was ENCOURAGING others, YET, I sat DISCOURAGED! I ENCOURAGED people to LIVE and to have HOPE, yet, I myself wanted to GIVE UP and DIE, feeling HopeLESS! I put the BEST on the OUTSIDE, but I was DEAD on the INSIDE. Others were CELEBRATING my birthday and yes I smiled, PRENTENDING that ALL was WELL … when in all actuality, I was MOURNING a LOSS I never knew: My Sense of SELF … My Birthmother … ((Many might not understand THIS part, but I know that my fellow Adoptees out there will totally get this)).
Well after YEARS of what “appeared” like DEFEAT … Through GOD’s POWER … I DEFEATED … DEFEAT!!! It was a STRUGGLE indeed …but I BATTLED my way to VICTORY!! I will never forget the day that those SHACKLES of DEFEAT broke loose and were destroyed!! I REGAINED my sense of PEACE … I went back to LOVING ME! … I REGAINED Consciousness of My INNER being! I started CELEBRATING My Birth days & Holidays like I did BEFORE I learned all of this. Things have been good. There are times and there are moments when I have a FLASH-BACK of that early Saturday morning when I learned that I wasn’t who I thought I was for 18 years. ((But a good friend of mine shared with me one time: “TEE, Who you are NOW is WHO GOD wanted you to be!”)) Those words have stuck with me throughout my journey!
One day Last week, I was watching something on television ((I had no idea where this show’s storyline was headed)) … But long story-short, a young lady was reunited with her birth family … ((this is one reason why I DON’T watch these types of shows, I become VERY emotional)) … and as I sat there with a fountain-like stream of tears flowing down my face, I wanted that YOUNG LADY’S MOMENT to be MY MOMENT for THAT MOMENT. I tried hard to get myself together, the more tears I wiped away, the more tears seemed to flow. I then reached in to the back of my book shelf and pulled out a photo album that’s filled with pictures of my biological brothers and I, along with my niece and my oldest brothers side of the family. In the back of this photo album is a postcard flap, and inside of it is where I keep 3 pictures of my birth mother. These pictures were pictures given to me by someone who has connections with someone else in a particular prison, and these are the photos that I have … Yes, My Birthmother’s Prison Photos. I have 3 different ones at 3 different times when she was in there ((and I am told there are more)), and each picture was worse than the one before. I was told that she took a bad turn and began dabbling in drugs until she got hooked. The pictures I have tell a different story in each one but the 3rd one I received tells the SADDEST story. [PAUSE] Can you imagine the very FIRST and ONLY pictures that you receive of the woman that birthed you are pictures of her while she was INCARCERATED? [PAINFUL – let me tell you]!
So after reaching for those pictures and staring at them … the TEARS began to seriously OVER-FLOW … all kinds of feelings and emotions began to run through me. I began to feel “depression” creep in ((you must IDENTIFY what it is))… When I have moments where I just need to GET AWAY … I hop in my truck and just ride … I have a few spots that I go to get away to… As I got in my truck with tears still flowing, heart heavy & aching …
I turned on my music and the CD: NEXT NOW by DR. HART RAMSEY & NCC FAMILY, the song led by: BISHOP L. SPENSER SMITH: “GRACE FOR ME” was in the middle of playing … and these very words played: “Grace For Me… His Grace … Grace For me … His Grace … Couldn’t have done it on my own … Grace for me … His Grace … His Grace reached way down and it kept me … Grace for Me … His Grace … It was Grace that Proved He loved me … Grace for me … His Grace … It was Loving Grace … Loving Grace … His Love Covered a multitude of my sins…Grace for me … Hallelujah… Loving Grace … Where Sin Abound, His Grace does much more abound … Grace for me … And it was Keeping Grace … Keeping Grace … The ONLY reason why you LIVED and you got your RIGHT MIND is because of GRACE … Grace for Me…
These above lyrics HIT ME like a ton of bricks ((especially the lyric in RED)) … but it SNAPPED me out of what I was HEADED for … The STATE of DEPRESSION … and I Began to WORSHIP GOD … I pulled over and threw my hands up and began to just give GOD TOTAL ME ~ IN WORSHIP!!!!! My Tears of SADNESS … Turned into Tears of GLADNESS!!! Straight JOY is what I FELT!!! GOD always sends WHAT we NEED, WHEN we NEED, WHAT we NEED at the TIME we NEED it!!! It may not come through a Physical Person, or a Preached Message, it may not come through a Service … but for me it came through a CD that was IN my truck … but… what BLESSES me now that I LOOK back on THAT day … the CD was on the RIGHT song, and the SONG was at the RIGHT point for ME to be RESCUED!!! HA!!! GOD IS INCREDIBLE!!!!!! [[[ MY GOD, I COULD LOSE IT RIGHT THERE!!! JESUS!!!! ]]]]
So, LET ME ENCOURAGE YOU … WHEN/IF you feel like you are on the VERGE of DEPRESSION or on the VERGE of a BREAKDOWN … DON’T GIVE IN TO IT!!! …. REACH FOR JESUS!!! KNOW THAT HIS GRACE IS COVERING YOU!!! … GRACE is NOT just for ME … but GRACE is for YOU and YOU and YOU … and YES … YOU TOO!!!! REACH FOR IT!!!
The enemy wants to take you BACK to the “place” where GOD has DELIVERED you OUT of and BROUGHT you FROM!!! LET ME ENCOURAGE YOU … KEEP PRESSING FORWARD!!! PRESS through your TRIAL! PRESS through your CIRCUMSTANCE and SITUATION (s) PRESS through your SICKNESS… PRESS through your FINANCIAL situation… PRESS through your BROKEN-RELATIONSHIP(s) … PRESS through your FAMILY ordeals… PRESS through DEPRESSION … PRESS through OPPRESSION … PRESS through and PAST ANYTHING & EVERYTHING that’s NOT LIKE GOD!!!! YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO LOSE … YOU DON’T HAVE TO TIME TO GIVE INTO THAT JOKA! YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO GIVE UP … GOD has a SET PLAN and a PURPOSE for OUR LIVES!!!
THIS BATTLE IS NOT YOURS … IT’S THE LORDS!!!! STOP TRYING TO FIX WHAT ONLY GOD CAN FIX!!!
REMEMBER: Romans 8:37 – Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
Let’s Keep One Another In Prayer … We ALL need it
I OVERCAME and So Will YOU! :o)
GBU,
@YouthPastorTEE
***LET ME ENCOURAGE YOU: Go and Get: Pastor Hart Ramsey & NCC’s CD entitled: “NEXT NOW”.
You can find it on iTunes… BELIEVE ME, it’s a MUST have!!!***
