Hello ALL:
I know that it's been quite a while since I have posted anything. Several of you have been asking, [When] will my next post be ... WELL, HERE WE GO :o)
To be quite honest with you, I was in the process of writing a post on yesterday and was interrupted by a conversation with a few young people ((teens/young adults)). There were several questions that was asked of me followed by a few statements. I would like to share a portion of that conversation with my readers. As I share the question(s) that was posed to me, I ask that you give your honest opinion, share your thoughts, scriptures, etc. After I read your comments, I will then share with you all, What My Response was to these questions.
"How do you control or Can you control WHO you LOVE or fall INlove with?"
"Even if the person is Married, Doesn't GOD understand that you LOVE this person?"
"Why is it a SIN to LOVE someone that the "church" says that you shouldn't love?"
The conversation got a lil deeper and detailed and caused these questions to arise:
Example Given: A married man falls for a woman who is not his wife, they're not sleeping together, however, they share very intimate conversations by phone when the opportunity is there. ((What is so wrong with this, especially if they are NOT physically sleeping together?))
2nd Example: A woman falls in love with another woman, she's fully aware of what the Bible says about same-sex relationships, however, they're not sleeping together, but their feelings are quite strong for one another, and the time they spend together is innocent. ((What is so wrong with this, especially if there is no sexual contact?))
3rd Example: A woman was married, divorced her husband, moved on and married another man, they now have children, however, she realizes that she (still) has feelings for her first husband. Her Ex-husband wants her back, but although, she still loves him, she is very much in love with her New husband. But when she gets with her EX, they end up sleeping together. ((What is so wrong with this, After All, he is her FIRST husband?))
Ok, so now can you all understand, HOW my original post has been placed on (hold)? :o) I am grateful for young people who don't mind sharing what's on their minds. With all that's going on in the world and IN THE CHURCH, I can totally understand WHY they would ask such questions.
Like I stated, I will give MY THOUGHTS on this matter a little later on. In the meantime, please share YOUR thoughts. Everyone Be Blessed! :o)
Friday, October 1, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The TIME is NOW ... A NEW JOURNEY BEGINS ...
I KNOW ... I KNOW... I KNOW ... It's taken me a good minute to write in my blog. So many have been asking WHEN my next post will be ... Well ... HERE IT IS. :o)
WOW! ... So many things have happened since the close of 2009 and the start of 2010. I believe my last post was on December 23, 2009. I am so grateful to GOD for allowing ME and ALL of YOU to see another year!!! YAY!!!!
We are now in the month of February ... the start of Black History Month. I am excited! I honestly thought I had been through enough in 2009 ... but WHOA did the beginning of 2010 have it in for me (so I thought). I have been hit with some "heavy" blows since the start of 2010. My NEW Years was a blessing. I brought in the NEW YEAR with the people of GOD. What a HIGH time we had in GOD!!!... Nothing better than Partying with THEE ONE who allows us to see Another Year! (I wish I had a few readers to help me right there!!!!) LOL ... Ok, Ok, Ok ... I felt a "preach" right there! :o)
*Takes a Deep Breath* ... On New Year's Day ... I spent most of the morning reflecting on all of the things that had taken place in 2009 and all of the people that passed away in 2009 ... and from that ... I continued to give GOD praise on top of praise!!!! Come on let's be honest - there are some things that we went through in 2009 that had us wondering if we would even see 2010.
GUESS WHAT? ... YOU AND I ARE STILL HERE!!!!!!
***What a GOOD place to give GOD Praise***
Later on New Year's Day I went to a good friend's home for her & her husband's Annual New Year's Party and I had a BLAST as always!
Several days into 2010 ... I was hit with sickness, Asthma began to take it's affect ... but I survived that! :o) One afternoon, I received a phone call that my babysister was found unconscious outside of her high school and was rushed to the emergency school ... all I can say is: BUT GOD!!! ... days after that ... I took ill again and ended up with a 102 fever ... chills, coughing, sneezing ... BUT ... I BOUNCED BACK! ... received a call from a friend who's son had been having multiple siezures in a days time ... all I can say is: TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!! He is well ... Then Asthma tried to stick it's ugly head back up again ... BUT despite of ALL of that ... GUESS WHAT?
I AM STILL HERE!!!!! and it's ONLY by the GRACE OF GOD!!! (Thank you Dr. Dorinda Clark-Cole)
Those of you who have been following my blog and have read my previous posts, you are aware that I am ADOPTED, I have had the pleasure of meeting TWO of my Biological brothers, and one of my brother's daughter (My Niece). In My previous post, I've shared that no one knows where my biological mother is, some believe that she is deceased, YET there is NO proof of that anywhere. Neither one of my brothers have seen her in over a decade. In 2008, My oldest brother (before returning back to prison) ran into one of our mother's old friends and she told my brother that she saw our mother about two years prior. So as you can see, we have reason to believe that she coud possibly be alive.
So much has taken place since the start of my journey. It took me years to take the first step of wanting to search for my biological mother and while looking for my biological mother, (although I have never found her), I miraculously found Two of my brothers and a Niece (as I shared earlier). I also met a woman who was my mother's mother (my grandmother)'s neighbor and care-taker. She shared a lot of information concerning my family. All of the information she shared just CONFIRMED how blessed I really am!!!!
I have been through A LOT since this search ... some good and some NOT-so-good, but this is all a part of the Journey, I regret nothing ... just grateful of the life that I have. When I tell you that I AM BLESSED ... I truly mean it. Some time ago, I made up in my mind, that I no longer have a desire (right now) to meet my biological mother. (I know I know ... many would like to know WHY, right?) ... Well, to be quite honest with you, I am not "really" sure why I don't want to. Perhaps my feelings on this will change, but for right now, I have no desire. I am content. HOWEVER ... I decided two nights ago, that I WILL begin to search for my biological father beginning NEXT week. For those that KNOW me, this will be a TOTAL shock to them, because I have NEVER had a desire to meet him, ... BUT while in prayer, HE (whoever he is) came across my mind and I think that I need to search for him and will do so starting NEXT week...
The BIBLE shares with us in:
ECCLESIASTES 3:1 - 8
1.There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under the heaven. 2. A time to be born and a time to die, A time to plant and a time to harvest. 3. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to rebuild. 4. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and time to dance. 5. A time to scatter stones and time to gather stones. 6. A time to search and a time to lose. A time to keep and a time to throw away. 7. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak up. 8. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.
Vs. #1 says it all ... "There is a time for everything,..." Well the time to begin my search for my biological father is NOW. :o)
So I Invite YOU to follow me on this NEW JOURNEY beginning NEXT WEEK ... ((Stay Tuned))
Keep Me In Your Prayers ... GOD BLESS
WOW! ... So many things have happened since the close of 2009 and the start of 2010. I believe my last post was on December 23, 2009. I am so grateful to GOD for allowing ME and ALL of YOU to see another year!!! YAY!!!!
We are now in the month of February ... the start of Black History Month. I am excited! I honestly thought I had been through enough in 2009 ... but WHOA did the beginning of 2010 have it in for me (so I thought). I have been hit with some "heavy" blows since the start of 2010. My NEW Years was a blessing. I brought in the NEW YEAR with the people of GOD. What a HIGH time we had in GOD!!!... Nothing better than Partying with THEE ONE who allows us to see Another Year! (I wish I had a few readers to help me right there!!!!) LOL ... Ok, Ok, Ok ... I felt a "preach" right there! :o)
*Takes a Deep Breath* ... On New Year's Day ... I spent most of the morning reflecting on all of the things that had taken place in 2009 and all of the people that passed away in 2009 ... and from that ... I continued to give GOD praise on top of praise!!!! Come on let's be honest - there are some things that we went through in 2009 that had us wondering if we would even see 2010.
GUESS WHAT? ... YOU AND I ARE STILL HERE!!!!!!
***What a GOOD place to give GOD Praise***
Later on New Year's Day I went to a good friend's home for her & her husband's Annual New Year's Party and I had a BLAST as always!
Several days into 2010 ... I was hit with sickness, Asthma began to take it's affect ... but I survived that! :o) One afternoon, I received a phone call that my babysister was found unconscious outside of her high school and was rushed to the emergency school ... all I can say is: BUT GOD!!! ... days after that ... I took ill again and ended up with a 102 fever ... chills, coughing, sneezing ... BUT ... I BOUNCED BACK! ... received a call from a friend who's son had been having multiple siezures in a days time ... all I can say is: TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!! He is well ... Then Asthma tried to stick it's ugly head back up again ... BUT despite of ALL of that ... GUESS WHAT?
I AM STILL HERE!!!!! and it's ONLY by the GRACE OF GOD!!! (Thank you Dr. Dorinda Clark-Cole)
Those of you who have been following my blog and have read my previous posts, you are aware that I am ADOPTED, I have had the pleasure of meeting TWO of my Biological brothers, and one of my brother's daughter (My Niece). In My previous post, I've shared that no one knows where my biological mother is, some believe that she is deceased, YET there is NO proof of that anywhere. Neither one of my brothers have seen her in over a decade. In 2008, My oldest brother (before returning back to prison) ran into one of our mother's old friends and she told my brother that she saw our mother about two years prior. So as you can see, we have reason to believe that she coud possibly be alive.
So much has taken place since the start of my journey. It took me years to take the first step of wanting to search for my biological mother and while looking for my biological mother, (although I have never found her), I miraculously found Two of my brothers and a Niece (as I shared earlier). I also met a woman who was my mother's mother (my grandmother)'s neighbor and care-taker. She shared a lot of information concerning my family. All of the information she shared just CONFIRMED how blessed I really am!!!!
I have been through A LOT since this search ... some good and some NOT-so-good, but this is all a part of the Journey, I regret nothing ... just grateful of the life that I have. When I tell you that I AM BLESSED ... I truly mean it. Some time ago, I made up in my mind, that I no longer have a desire (right now) to meet my biological mother. (I know I know ... many would like to know WHY, right?) ... Well, to be quite honest with you, I am not "really" sure why I don't want to. Perhaps my feelings on this will change, but for right now, I have no desire. I am content. HOWEVER ... I decided two nights ago, that I WILL begin to search for my biological father beginning NEXT week. For those that KNOW me, this will be a TOTAL shock to them, because I have NEVER had a desire to meet him, ... BUT while in prayer, HE (whoever he is) came across my mind and I think that I need to search for him and will do so starting NEXT week...
The BIBLE shares with us in:
ECCLESIASTES 3:1 - 8
1.There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under the heaven. 2. A time to be born and a time to die, A time to plant and a time to harvest. 3. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to rebuild. 4. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and time to dance. 5. A time to scatter stones and time to gather stones. 6. A time to search and a time to lose. A time to keep and a time to throw away. 7. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak up. 8. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace.
Vs. #1 says it all ... "There is a time for everything,..." Well the time to begin my search for my biological father is NOW. :o)
So I Invite YOU to follow me on this NEW JOURNEY beginning NEXT WEEK ... ((Stay Tuned))
Keep Me In Your Prayers ... GOD BLESS
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
BOUNCE BACK!
WOW! Can you believe that CHRISTMAS is THIS Friday? 2009 is almost over. Where has the year gone? It seems as if "this" year just swooped right pass, but doesn't it seem that way EVERY year? LOL...
So much has transpired in 2009. Some good things have happened (The FIRST Black Man took office in the White House and became The President of the United States - Way to Go, President Obama!!), Some not so good things transpired this year (The Economy suffered tremendously, way too many people lost their jobs, we witness major companies having to fold, we heard of so many people committing suicide because their monies were gone, so many people lost their homes leaving their families destrought because the provision was no longer there), we've had Tragedy hit us hard this year, we lost so many good people this year, Death came through and SHOOK our foundation (*to name a few* - Bernie Mac, Isaac Hayes, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcet, Michael Jackson, and Sooooo many others). We've heard the horrible tragedy of the young man, Derron Albert, 16, in the city of Chicago who lost his life at the hands of other young men of his color. A young life taken for no reason at all. People have literally lost their minds: we have parents killing their children, we have children killing their parents, we have preachers and ministers doing things that are UNLIKE the GOD they minister about. ((these are just some of the issues that this world has)) ... WHAT'S GOING ON???
Some might say that these things have been going on for years, and although that 's true, I am the last to argue that, ... it has become more PREVELANT in 2009. It's been UP, Close and Personal for me. Not only has this year taken lives of the people we READ about, but I have personally lost a Godmother, Two cousins, a Uncle, and Two friends this year and have heard of so many others who have also lost their loved ones this year. My Pastor always say: "Every Year Carries It's Number" ... I never really paid much attention to that UNTIL this year. And boy o boy did THIS year carry a HUGE number out of here.
But DESPITE all of these things ... One thing I can honestly say with JOY ... "I am STILL here! And it's ONLY by the GRACE of GOD!!! .... Can't think of a reason to give GOD praise? ... if you are ABLE to READ this blog ... that's ENOUGH reason to give HIM praise.
Isn't it sad that everywhere you go now ... People are saying: "Season's Greetings" or "Happy Holidays" instead of saying: "Merry Christmas"? I rode through my town the other day and noticed that not one sign downtown said: Merry Christmas, EVERYthing said: Happy Holidays! WHAT???!!! And what really burns me is this: "X-MAS" <<< Huh? What is that? STOP! trying to take CHRIST out of CHRISTMAS! HE is or should be the REASON why we celebrate such a day! We have truly lost the REAL meaning of this Holiday. So many people are looking and expecting these grand gifts, but it's NOT about that. We have received THEE ULTIMATE gift and that is JESUS! ... DAILY we receive a GIFT and that is the GIFT OF LIFE!! ... ((Pause)) When was the last time you actually THANKED GOD for LIFE? So many of us complain about what LIFE isn't ... but have you taken a moment to thank HIM for what LIFE is?
I have learned to STOP complaining about what I "felt" life wasn't! I am THANKFUL for all of the things that I "could have been" but didn't. I could be DEAD... but I'm NOT. I could be HOMELESS ... but I'm NOT ... I could have been infected with some DEADLY DISEASE ... but I'm NOT. I could be in JAIL, but I'm NOT. I could have LOST my mind, but I DIDN'T. There's NOTHING that I need to complain about. I may NOT have everything that I want ... but I have what I need: My LIFE, HEALTH & STRENGTH. *smile*
I am so glad from where GOD has brought me from. There was a time when I lost the "joy" & "excitement" of Christmas. I am so glad that I have gotten it back. When I learned that I was adopted, which was two weeks after my 18th birthday (March 4), it changed the way I looked at Holidays. Every Holiday became rough for me, (My Birthday, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Thanksgiving & Christmas) these holidays were no longer the same for me. I went from being "happy" & "joyous" on these holidays to being "sad" & "depressed" and instead of "celebrating", I ended up "mourning". I went through this for YEARRSSSSS! Although, I would smile and PRETEND for the sake of people on these days ... deep within I was a total WRECK.
On My Birthday, I always wondered, did this woman who gave me up realize that it was my birthday today? Did she even care? Did she regret giving me up? Will she ever come and look for me? Is she looking for me now?
On Mother's Day, I wondered, did this woman think about me? Was she able to celebrate "Mom's Day" knowing that she gave one of her own children away? Did I have other brothers and sisters who were with her helping her celebrate this day? Do my siblings even know that I exist?
On Father's Day, ((to be honest with you, it wasn't until a couple of years ago, that my birth father ever became a thought in my head)) but the time that I DID think about him, my thoughts were: Does this man even care that he has a daughter out here somewhere? Do I ever cross his mind? Who's celebrating him today? How many other daughter does he have? Are they with him celebrating today?
On Thanksgiving, I wondered, What was my birth mom doing? What was she cooking? Was she a cook? Who was she celebrating Thanksgiving with? Does her family even know that I exist? Do I ever come up at the dinner table? Do they even care?
On Christmas, I wondered, Is she thinking about me? Does she wish that she never gave me up? Will she come looking for me? What gifts did she receive? What gifts were she giving out and to whom? Did she spoil her other children? Was I ever mentioned? Did she have a special ornament on the Christmas tree to represent the baby girl she relinguished back in 1975?
These were some of the worst days for me. It wasn't as if I didn't have a GREAT life and TWO wonderful parents or a Family that didn't love me. I had the BEST of everything ... a life any child could have wanted, But learning the FACT that I was adopted ... changed me EMOTIONALLY. It did something to me. I changed! I went from a happy go lucky person, to a very somber, moody, and depressing individuaL. It was just 3 years ago that this changed for me.
One day, I was preparing to minister at a Youth Conference and while preparing this particular message: "Bounce Back - You Don't Have To Stay Where You Are" Scripture(s) Job 1:1-3; 42:12 & 13, 16 & 17 While preparing this message, I was convicted, ... here I was getting ready to deliver this message to a lot of youth and YET, I was stuck and needed to BOUNCE BACK from the "state" ((condition)) I was in. JOB started off good, he had everything any man could want, he had it all: The Family, The House, The Cattle, The Land, ((he was weathly)). but one day out of the blue, his ENTIRE life changed, not for the better but for the worst. The Bible shares that he lost EVERYTHING that he had, all of his children were killed, everything that he had been destroyed, he became extremely ill, and his wife ended up leaving him ... No doubt, Job had his moments of depression, his moment of loneliness, his moments of feeling like he didn't deserve this, his moments of: "Lord, Why is all of this happening to me?" ((We've probably all asked this question)) ... he even had some friends who came along and kicked him the more when he was down because they felt like, he must have done something WRONG or against GOD and this was why GOD was punishing him. The Bible says that JOB cursed the day he was born, in otherwords, he wished that he was NEVER born. ((How many of us have felt that way @ some point in our lives?)) ... but INSPITE of ALL the hell that he has been through, there was ONE thing that Job DIDN'T do ... He NEVER, EVER gave up on GOD, even when he didn't 'understand' why GOD would allow such a thing to happen to him ... He STILL worshipped GOD and knew that in GOD's own time, a Change would come and he was right, because in Chapter 42: 12 it says that the Lord blessed his Latter days MORE than his beginning, not only did Job gain all that he had prior but he was given MORE (Double). But the blessing didn't stop there because in vs. 16 it says that Job LIVED ((he didn't die in the kaos)) not only did he live, but he lived to SEE some stuff. ((Are you living just to live? or Are you living to SEE?)) ... JOB lived to SEE 140 years, saw his children and grandchildren for FOUR generations. And when he died, he died FULL of his days. ((when you die, will you die FULL or EMPTY?)) ... Will you die with your dreams? or with your dreams FULFILLED?
So, how did this message HELP me? ... Simple ... My life was fine, like I shared with you earlier in this blog, I was a happy, go lucky person, but then one day out of the blue, I was HIT with some news that I was Adopted and from THAT day, my WORLD changed. I ended up depressed ... I became secluded ... etc. When we allow Depression to sneak in, it tends to control us, it stunts our Growth. So, Just like Job when it first hit him, he too became depressed, but then he decided to BOUNCE BACK mentally ... he worshipped GOD inspite of, because he "believed" that he was in the hands of GOD. So, I TOO woke up MENTALLY ((it all starts in the mind)) and then I had a talk with myself ... it was TIME that I got myself UP from what "felt" like DEFEAT, Brush my shoulders off, and REMEMBER ...that I was in the Hands of GOD. And it was that night of the conference that I BOUNCED BACK!!! I realize I didn't have to STAY where I was.
EVERY Holiday after that ... has been a BLESSING!!! I enjoy and have a blast at ALL of these Holidays just like I use to but even MORE so!!! I realize that I have Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much to be Thankful for!!!!
So I say to you: Whatever you may have been through ... or perhaps may be going through even now ... DON'T allow it to STUNT your GROWTH ... You CAN .. BOUNCE BACK!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY WHERE YOU ARE!
I encourage YOU to LIVE and SEE all that's awaiting you!
~God Bless~
So much has transpired in 2009. Some good things have happened (The FIRST Black Man took office in the White House and became The President of the United States - Way to Go, President Obama!!), Some not so good things transpired this year (The Economy suffered tremendously, way too many people lost their jobs, we witness major companies having to fold, we heard of so many people committing suicide because their monies were gone, so many people lost their homes leaving their families destrought because the provision was no longer there), we've had Tragedy hit us hard this year, we lost so many good people this year, Death came through and SHOOK our foundation (*to name a few* - Bernie Mac, Isaac Hayes, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcet, Michael Jackson, and Sooooo many others). We've heard the horrible tragedy of the young man, Derron Albert, 16, in the city of Chicago who lost his life at the hands of other young men of his color. A young life taken for no reason at all. People have literally lost their minds: we have parents killing their children, we have children killing their parents, we have preachers and ministers doing things that are UNLIKE the GOD they minister about. ((these are just some of the issues that this world has)) ... WHAT'S GOING ON???
Some might say that these things have been going on for years, and although that 's true, I am the last to argue that, ... it has become more PREVELANT in 2009. It's been UP, Close and Personal for me. Not only has this year taken lives of the people we READ about, but I have personally lost a Godmother, Two cousins, a Uncle, and Two friends this year and have heard of so many others who have also lost their loved ones this year. My Pastor always say: "Every Year Carries It's Number" ... I never really paid much attention to that UNTIL this year. And boy o boy did THIS year carry a HUGE number out of here.
But DESPITE all of these things ... One thing I can honestly say with JOY ... "I am STILL here! And it's ONLY by the GRACE of GOD!!! .... Can't think of a reason to give GOD praise? ... if you are ABLE to READ this blog ... that's ENOUGH reason to give HIM praise.
Isn't it sad that everywhere you go now ... People are saying: "Season's Greetings" or "Happy Holidays" instead of saying: "Merry Christmas"? I rode through my town the other day and noticed that not one sign downtown said: Merry Christmas, EVERYthing said: Happy Holidays! WHAT???!!! And what really burns me is this: "X-MAS" <<< Huh? What is that? STOP! trying to take CHRIST out of CHRISTMAS! HE is or should be the REASON why we celebrate such a day! We have truly lost the REAL meaning of this Holiday. So many people are looking and expecting these grand gifts, but it's NOT about that. We have received THEE ULTIMATE gift and that is JESUS! ... DAILY we receive a GIFT and that is the GIFT OF LIFE!! ... ((Pause)) When was the last time you actually THANKED GOD for LIFE? So many of us complain about what LIFE isn't ... but have you taken a moment to thank HIM for what LIFE is?
I have learned to STOP complaining about what I "felt" life wasn't! I am THANKFUL for all of the things that I "could have been" but didn't. I could be DEAD... but I'm NOT. I could be HOMELESS ... but I'm NOT ... I could have been infected with some DEADLY DISEASE ... but I'm NOT. I could be in JAIL, but I'm NOT. I could have LOST my mind, but I DIDN'T. There's NOTHING that I need to complain about. I may NOT have everything that I want ... but I have what I need: My LIFE, HEALTH & STRENGTH. *smile*
I am so glad from where GOD has brought me from. There was a time when I lost the "joy" & "excitement" of Christmas. I am so glad that I have gotten it back. When I learned that I was adopted, which was two weeks after my 18th birthday (March 4), it changed the way I looked at Holidays. Every Holiday became rough for me, (My Birthday, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Thanksgiving & Christmas) these holidays were no longer the same for me. I went from being "happy" & "joyous" on these holidays to being "sad" & "depressed" and instead of "celebrating", I ended up "mourning". I went through this for YEARRSSSSS! Although, I would smile and PRETEND for the sake of people on these days ... deep within I was a total WRECK.
On My Birthday, I always wondered, did this woman who gave me up realize that it was my birthday today? Did she even care? Did she regret giving me up? Will she ever come and look for me? Is she looking for me now?
On Mother's Day, I wondered, did this woman think about me? Was she able to celebrate "Mom's Day" knowing that she gave one of her own children away? Did I have other brothers and sisters who were with her helping her celebrate this day? Do my siblings even know that I exist?
On Father's Day, ((to be honest with you, it wasn't until a couple of years ago, that my birth father ever became a thought in my head)) but the time that I DID think about him, my thoughts were: Does this man even care that he has a daughter out here somewhere? Do I ever cross his mind? Who's celebrating him today? How many other daughter does he have? Are they with him celebrating today?
On Thanksgiving, I wondered, What was my birth mom doing? What was she cooking? Was she a cook? Who was she celebrating Thanksgiving with? Does her family even know that I exist? Do I ever come up at the dinner table? Do they even care?
On Christmas, I wondered, Is she thinking about me? Does she wish that she never gave me up? Will she come looking for me? What gifts did she receive? What gifts were she giving out and to whom? Did she spoil her other children? Was I ever mentioned? Did she have a special ornament on the Christmas tree to represent the baby girl she relinguished back in 1975?
These were some of the worst days for me. It wasn't as if I didn't have a GREAT life and TWO wonderful parents or a Family that didn't love me. I had the BEST of everything ... a life any child could have wanted, But learning the FACT that I was adopted ... changed me EMOTIONALLY. It did something to me. I changed! I went from a happy go lucky person, to a very somber, moody, and depressing individuaL. It was just 3 years ago that this changed for me.
One day, I was preparing to minister at a Youth Conference and while preparing this particular message: "Bounce Back - You Don't Have To Stay Where You Are" Scripture(s) Job 1:1-3; 42:12 & 13, 16 & 17 While preparing this message, I was convicted, ... here I was getting ready to deliver this message to a lot of youth and YET, I was stuck and needed to BOUNCE BACK from the "state" ((condition)) I was in. JOB started off good, he had everything any man could want, he had it all: The Family, The House, The Cattle, The Land, ((he was weathly)). but one day out of the blue, his ENTIRE life changed, not for the better but for the worst. The Bible shares that he lost EVERYTHING that he had, all of his children were killed, everything that he had been destroyed, he became extremely ill, and his wife ended up leaving him ... No doubt, Job had his moments of depression, his moment of loneliness, his moments of feeling like he didn't deserve this, his moments of: "Lord, Why is all of this happening to me?" ((We've probably all asked this question)) ... he even had some friends who came along and kicked him the more when he was down because they felt like, he must have done something WRONG or against GOD and this was why GOD was punishing him. The Bible says that JOB cursed the day he was born, in otherwords, he wished that he was NEVER born. ((How many of us have felt that way @ some point in our lives?)) ... but INSPITE of ALL the hell that he has been through, there was ONE thing that Job DIDN'T do ... He NEVER, EVER gave up on GOD, even when he didn't 'understand' why GOD would allow such a thing to happen to him ... He STILL worshipped GOD and knew that in GOD's own time, a Change would come and he was right, because in Chapter 42: 12 it says that the Lord blessed his Latter days MORE than his beginning, not only did Job gain all that he had prior but he was given MORE (Double). But the blessing didn't stop there because in vs. 16 it says that Job LIVED ((he didn't die in the kaos)) not only did he live, but he lived to SEE some stuff. ((Are you living just to live? or Are you living to SEE?)) ... JOB lived to SEE 140 years, saw his children and grandchildren for FOUR generations. And when he died, he died FULL of his days. ((when you die, will you die FULL or EMPTY?)) ... Will you die with your dreams? or with your dreams FULFILLED?
So, how did this message HELP me? ... Simple ... My life was fine, like I shared with you earlier in this blog, I was a happy, go lucky person, but then one day out of the blue, I was HIT with some news that I was Adopted and from THAT day, my WORLD changed. I ended up depressed ... I became secluded ... etc. When we allow Depression to sneak in, it tends to control us, it stunts our Growth. So, Just like Job when it first hit him, he too became depressed, but then he decided to BOUNCE BACK mentally ... he worshipped GOD inspite of, because he "believed" that he was in the hands of GOD. So, I TOO woke up MENTALLY ((it all starts in the mind)) and then I had a talk with myself ... it was TIME that I got myself UP from what "felt" like DEFEAT, Brush my shoulders off, and REMEMBER ...that I was in the Hands of GOD. And it was that night of the conference that I BOUNCED BACK!!! I realize I didn't have to STAY where I was.
EVERY Holiday after that ... has been a BLESSING!!! I enjoy and have a blast at ALL of these Holidays just like I use to but even MORE so!!! I realize that I have Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much to be Thankful for!!!!
So I say to you: Whatever you may have been through ... or perhaps may be going through even now ... DON'T allow it to STUNT your GROWTH ... You CAN .. BOUNCE BACK!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY WHERE YOU ARE!
I encourage YOU to LIVE and SEE all that's awaiting you!
~God Bless~
Monday, December 21, 2009
I'M LEGIT ...
Do you not know that in the state of New Jersey, Adoptees don't have the right to their own birth certificiates? ... Yes, you've read me right ... we DON'T have the right to our own TRUTH. Our Original Birth Certificate has been *sealed* and so the birth certificate that we receive have the parents that have adopted us listed as the birth parents. For example, my birth certificate has 3 different dates on it. For a long time, I didn't understand the all of the dates. After researching and investigating on my own, I learned that three dates represented as follow: My Birthdate, My Placement date, and My Adoption date. *CRAZY* ... not sure how many others' are like that, but that's what's on mine. ... Again: *CRAZINESS!*
For over a decade, we've tried to get The Adoptees' Birthright bill (A752) passed here in New Jersey, so that every adoptee could have access to their 'Original' birth certificate. This bill has YET to be passed.
Everything is such "Top secret" when it comes to the Adoptee. YET, we have people who could get passed security at the White House!, (Ok, that's a whole different blog) But Anyway, Do you not know I can't go back to the Adoption Agency where I was adopted out of to get a copy of my records? They won't even allow me to SEE anything that's in MY file. It's against the Law. This means that any medical conditions that I may run through my family, I will NEVER gain this knowledge because it's AGAINST the Law for me to know MY own History. Everything in that file is about ME, and yet I don't have the RIGHT to see it. (?) It's been said that perhaps an adoptee could go to the court and appeal for the right to receive a copy of their files ... HA! Yeah right, I know SO many people who have tried this and were DENIED! I know someone whose daughter was suffering a medical condition and when the doctors asked who in their families had this medical condition, both parties shared neither of the two ... then it hit the mother, she didn't know if it had come from her side of the family, because, she was adopted and did not know her family's history. Well when she went to the courts to appeal, she was DENIED access to her file. Can I tell you that not long after, this woman's child died? The doctors stated had they known earlier (the history), perhaps they would have known what to lookout for and could have tried to prevent it. DO YOU SEE HOW SERIOUS THIS IS???
TODAY, I participated in a Music Video for the song: "I'M LEGIT" written by singer: Zara Phillips and the one and only Daryle (DMC) McDaniels from the Legendary Rap Group: RUNDMC. In case you didn't know, DMC learned that he was adopted just a few years ago, he has been in reunion with his birth mother, a good reunion at that. (That's a blessing), well both he along with Zara Phillips penned a song entitled: "I'M LEGIT" ... you can go to iTunes and check it out. (I ask that you support and purchase it for $0.99. This song has so much meaning ... Please go and listen to the LYRICS ... Just feel an "Adoptee" for a minute. :0) Help us spread the word! I had a lot of fun today participating in this video, because I know first hand what it feels like to one day learn that WHO you "thought" you were, you really were someone else. ... you learn that your name has changed, and the people that you've known all of your life ... none of their blood run through YOUR veins.
It was E X T R E M E L Y cold standing out there today for all of those hours LOL ... but because it's what I can relate to ... It was a MUST that I stay despite the weather. Daryle is such a nice guy. I had the pleasure of meeting Rev. Run last year and meeting Daryle today was a real blessing because we could relate. We understand eachother.
Well, I just wanted to share a portion of my day, Today ...
Stay Faithful ...
For over a decade, we've tried to get The Adoptees' Birthright bill (A752) passed here in New Jersey, so that every adoptee could have access to their 'Original' birth certificate. This bill has YET to be passed.
Everything is such "Top secret" when it comes to the Adoptee. YET, we have people who could get passed security at the White House!, (Ok, that's a whole different blog) But Anyway, Do you not know I can't go back to the Adoption Agency where I was adopted out of to get a copy of my records? They won't even allow me to SEE anything that's in MY file. It's against the Law. This means that any medical conditions that I may run through my family, I will NEVER gain this knowledge because it's AGAINST the Law for me to know MY own History. Everything in that file is about ME, and yet I don't have the RIGHT to see it. (?) It's been said that perhaps an adoptee could go to the court and appeal for the right to receive a copy of their files ... HA! Yeah right, I know SO many people who have tried this and were DENIED! I know someone whose daughter was suffering a medical condition and when the doctors asked who in their families had this medical condition, both parties shared neither of the two ... then it hit the mother, she didn't know if it had come from her side of the family, because, she was adopted and did not know her family's history. Well when she went to the courts to appeal, she was DENIED access to her file. Can I tell you that not long after, this woman's child died? The doctors stated had they known earlier (the history), perhaps they would have known what to lookout for and could have tried to prevent it. DO YOU SEE HOW SERIOUS THIS IS???
TODAY, I participated in a Music Video for the song: "I'M LEGIT" written by singer: Zara Phillips and the one and only Daryle (DMC) McDaniels from the Legendary Rap Group: RUNDMC. In case you didn't know, DMC learned that he was adopted just a few years ago, he has been in reunion with his birth mother, a good reunion at that. (That's a blessing), well both he along with Zara Phillips penned a song entitled: "I'M LEGIT" ... you can go to iTunes and check it out. (I ask that you support and purchase it for $0.99. This song has so much meaning ... Please go and listen to the LYRICS ... Just feel an "Adoptee" for a minute. :0) Help us spread the word! I had a lot of fun today participating in this video, because I know first hand what it feels like to one day learn that WHO you "thought" you were, you really were someone else. ... you learn that your name has changed, and the people that you've known all of your life ... none of their blood run through YOUR veins.
It was E X T R E M E L Y cold standing out there today for all of those hours LOL ... but because it's what I can relate to ... It was a MUST that I stay despite the weather. Daryle is such a nice guy. I had the pleasure of meeting Rev. Run last year and meeting Daryle today was a real blessing because we could relate. We understand eachother.
Well, I just wanted to share a portion of my day, Today ...
Stay Faithful ...
Sunday, December 20, 2009
WELCOME ....
Thanks for stopping by to visit my NEW Blog ... Like I shared in my very FIRST post entitled: "It's TIME" ... I have decided to post some of my previous writings and if/when you go through them ... it will bring you through my journey ... up until THIS point.
I will be posting some NEW stuff this week since I am off of work ALL week, due to my doctor's orders. So much has transpired since these previous posts: The good, The bad, & The indifferent ... but inspite of it ALL ... I can proudly say: "I am STILL here & it's ONLY by the GRACE OF GOD!" :0)
I would love YOUR feedback ... so feel free to FOLLOW and LEAVE A COMMENT... It will be GREATLY appreciated.
Luv ya!
God Bless,
"Tee"
I will be posting some NEW stuff this week since I am off of work ALL week, due to my doctor's orders. So much has transpired since these previous posts: The good, The bad, & The indifferent ... but inspite of it ALL ... I can proudly say: "I am STILL here & it's ONLY by the GRACE OF GOD!" :0)
I would love YOUR feedback ... so feel free to FOLLOW and LEAVE A COMMENT... It will be GREATLY appreciated.
Luv ya!
God Bless,
"Tee"
Today is HER Birthday ...
[Written on: NOVEMBER 24, 2008]
I know that its been a good minute since I have written in my blog. I know several of you have been asking what's the latest updates on my brothers ... and I PROMISE You that in my NEXT blog, I will share my brothers with you. I will tell you this: BOTH of my brothers are alive and well and we still keep in touch.
But Today brought about another stroke of the "keys" (Keyboard keys people) LOL ...
I was awakened out of my sleep this morning by an alarm on my phone, a Birthday Alarm (I have a certain ringer for that) ... anyway ... it went off and the chime of: "Happy Birthday To You" began ... I grabbed my phone and when I opened it WAHDAH. this is what it read: "MY BIRTHMOTHERS BIRTHDAY" ...
IMMEDIATELY tears began to well up in my eyes, I sat up and stared at my phone for a good 2 to 3 minutes. All kinds of feelings, I began to feel. The very first one was: SADNESS ... I felt this way because I didn't have the privy of running into her room or calling her on the phone and singing or saying: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM". I then went and pulled out My Photo Album and took my birthmoms picture out and as I stared at the woman who gave birth to me, I started to have questions: 'Mom, Where are you?" ... "Mom, how are you going to celebrate your birthday today?" "Will I be a thought at all in your head today?" ...
I then felt myself becoming ANXIOUS ... but not understanding WHY I WAS ANXIOUS and WHAT WAS I ANXIOUS for? It wasn't as if I was going to be able to pick up the phone and say: "Mom, get ready, I am taking you out for your birthday today" ... "It wasn't as if I could be there to see her eating a piece of her birthday cake" ... So what on earth was I ANXIOUS for? (I STILL DON'T KNOW) ...
I then drifted in thought ... I began to IMAGINE she and I out celebrating her big day ... her making a wish and blowing out her birthday candles, then my mom looking up at me and uttering these words: "I didn't have to make a wish, because my wish has already come true the day that you and I reunited" ... We then embraced and began to share tears together, not those of sadness but TEARS OF JOY! ...
Now although this was just an IMAGINARY THOUGHT ... When I came to myself: My TEARS were very real ...
I then felt myself becoming upset with life ... feeling as though ... it wasn't fair ... but I knew there was nothing else for me to do at this point, but PRAY! Because the enemy has a tendency in situations like this to cause depression and I have come to GRIPS with ADOPTION and I REFUSE to be bound my depression over this ... So I did what I KNEW could get me out of this state ... I PRAYED and I began to talk to GOD and ask HIM to help me get through this entire day with strength! I then prayed and asked GOD that wherever My Birth Mother is ... whatever she is doing ... whom ever she is with ... Keep Watch Over Her! I also asked GOD to allow ME (her daughter) to be a Thought in her mind ... A whisper in her ear and a beat in my moms heart.
I am in no wise upset with the fact that my birth mother chose to give me up for adoption 33 years ago ... when I look back over my life ... learn of the hardships that my both of my brothers had to go through and endure ... I can't help but GIVE GOD PRAISE ... I can't help but say THANK YOU to GOD ... but not only THANK GOD, but I am GRATEFUL to my birthmother for making the WISE choice to give me up so that I could have a better chance at life.(I have been blessed beyond measure with a beautiful Mother and Father ... They are the BEST!) I LOVE HER FOR THIS ... Now my prayer is that ONE day I will be able to come face to face with the woman who birthed me and tell her how grateful I am ... that I have nothing to complain about ... no reasons to be mad, and that I am Thankful for her decision ... and that every since learning of her ... I have loved her and LOVE HER STILL!
How can you love someone you have never seen? (Is this your Question?) ... I have never seen GOD either ... but I KNOW HE EXISTS! (Prayerfully that answered your question) ...
Can I tell you that AFTER that prayer ... I began to feel MUCH better! I know that in GODS time .... I will come Face to Face with my Birth Mother.
So I ask all those who have a prayer life ... who know GOD and who believe in the POWER of prayer ... I ask YOU to continue to pray for me, touch and agree with me IN prayer that she and I come face to face one day SOON. (smile) ... Thank you so much!
**Note: I learned when my birth mothers birthday was in April of THIS YEAR by the Adoption Agency I was adopted through.**
Until Next Time ... Stay Prayerful ... Stay Blessed ... Stay Faithful ... Stay Favored ... and most importantly ... Stay YOU!
I know that its been a good minute since I have written in my blog. I know several of you have been asking what's the latest updates on my brothers ... and I PROMISE You that in my NEXT blog, I will share my brothers with you. I will tell you this: BOTH of my brothers are alive and well and we still keep in touch.
But Today brought about another stroke of the "keys" (Keyboard keys people) LOL ...
I was awakened out of my sleep this morning by an alarm on my phone, a Birthday Alarm (I have a certain ringer for that) ... anyway ... it went off and the chime of: "Happy Birthday To You" began ... I grabbed my phone and when I opened it WAHDAH. this is what it read: "MY BIRTHMOTHERS BIRTHDAY" ...
IMMEDIATELY tears began to well up in my eyes, I sat up and stared at my phone for a good 2 to 3 minutes. All kinds of feelings, I began to feel. The very first one was: SADNESS ... I felt this way because I didn't have the privy of running into her room or calling her on the phone and singing or saying: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM". I then went and pulled out My Photo Album and took my birthmoms picture out and as I stared at the woman who gave birth to me, I started to have questions: 'Mom, Where are you?" ... "Mom, how are you going to celebrate your birthday today?" "Will I be a thought at all in your head today?" ...
I then felt myself becoming ANXIOUS ... but not understanding WHY I WAS ANXIOUS and WHAT WAS I ANXIOUS for? It wasn't as if I was going to be able to pick up the phone and say: "Mom, get ready, I am taking you out for your birthday today" ... "It wasn't as if I could be there to see her eating a piece of her birthday cake" ... So what on earth was I ANXIOUS for? (I STILL DON'T KNOW) ...
I then drifted in thought ... I began to IMAGINE she and I out celebrating her big day ... her making a wish and blowing out her birthday candles, then my mom looking up at me and uttering these words: "I didn't have to make a wish, because my wish has already come true the day that you and I reunited" ... We then embraced and began to share tears together, not those of sadness but TEARS OF JOY! ...
Now although this was just an IMAGINARY THOUGHT ... When I came to myself: My TEARS were very real ...
I then felt myself becoming upset with life ... feeling as though ... it wasn't fair ... but I knew there was nothing else for me to do at this point, but PRAY! Because the enemy has a tendency in situations like this to cause depression and I have come to GRIPS with ADOPTION and I REFUSE to be bound my depression over this ... So I did what I KNEW could get me out of this state ... I PRAYED and I began to talk to GOD and ask HIM to help me get through this entire day with strength! I then prayed and asked GOD that wherever My Birth Mother is ... whatever she is doing ... whom ever she is with ... Keep Watch Over Her! I also asked GOD to allow ME (her daughter) to be a Thought in her mind ... A whisper in her ear and a beat in my moms heart.
I am in no wise upset with the fact that my birth mother chose to give me up for adoption 33 years ago ... when I look back over my life ... learn of the hardships that my both of my brothers had to go through and endure ... I can't help but GIVE GOD PRAISE ... I can't help but say THANK YOU to GOD ... but not only THANK GOD, but I am GRATEFUL to my birthmother for making the WISE choice to give me up so that I could have a better chance at life.(I have been blessed beyond measure with a beautiful Mother and Father ... They are the BEST!) I LOVE HER FOR THIS ... Now my prayer is that ONE day I will be able to come face to face with the woman who birthed me and tell her how grateful I am ... that I have nothing to complain about ... no reasons to be mad, and that I am Thankful for her decision ... and that every since learning of her ... I have loved her and LOVE HER STILL!
How can you love someone you have never seen? (Is this your Question?) ... I have never seen GOD either ... but I KNOW HE EXISTS! (Prayerfully that answered your question) ...
Can I tell you that AFTER that prayer ... I began to feel MUCH better! I know that in GODS time .... I will come Face to Face with my Birth Mother.
So I ask all those who have a prayer life ... who know GOD and who believe in the POWER of prayer ... I ask YOU to continue to pray for me, touch and agree with me IN prayer that she and I come face to face one day SOON. (smile) ... Thank you so much!
**Note: I learned when my birth mothers birthday was in April of THIS YEAR by the Adoption Agency I was adopted through.**
Until Next Time ... Stay Prayerful ... Stay Blessed ... Stay Faithful ... Stay Favored ... and most importantly ... Stay YOU!
Regardless ... STILL FAMILY ...
[Written SEPTEMBER 11, 2008]
Regardless ... STILL FAMILY ...
Does BLOOD really make one family? The Average person would probably say yes, but to an Adoptee like myself, We say Different!
LOVE makes one Family! UNITY makes one Family! and most of all ... GOD makes one Family!
I know that it's been quite a while since I have written a blog, and several of you have asked me what was going on in my world (A sistah has been extremely busy)... Well before I go THERE ... I have to share this particular story that took place in my life the ending of last year (2007).
One of my biological brothers, I have two, but the one I am talking about is the one right above me. He and I was talking one day and I began to question him if he knew who my father was and did he have any idea who is father was or who our other brothers father was or most importantly, Did we all have the same father? He shared with me that He knew for sure that he and I did not share the same father, but it was a strong possibility that my oldest brother and I shared the same father. Hmmm, that would mean that our mother got involved with my middle brothers father and then decided to jump backwards to my oldest brother's father and have me. Hmmm lol ... OOOO K!
Anyway ... he told me that he use to date one of my oldest brothers cousins (YES! I know what is going through your head, because believe me that same thought and awkward look went through mine as well LOL) ... He went on to tell me that at the time they were dating they had NO idea that she and our oldest brother was related. But one day my brothers THEN girlfriend/oldest brothers cousin was being questioned by her mom as to who was this mystery man she was dating ... she then shared my brothers name, and her mom proceeded to ask of his last name ... she shared that as well ... AND A SUDDEN 'LIGHTBULB" went off in her mother's head and she made the following statement to her daughter: "I BELIEVE YOU ARE DATING YOUR COUSIN!, THAT IS SO and SO's SON"
Can you imagine what went through her head?
WOW!!!!
EXACTLY!!!!
ANYWAY ... they all learned that this young lady's father was my oldest brother's uncle. His brother is my oldest brother's father! So this along with some other things caused my younger brother and this young lady to end their relationship.
OK DID YOU ALL GET THAT??? (That was ALOT to inhale I know) lol ...
NOW ..........
My younger brother shared that he could get in touch with this young lady (his ex) and have her call me ... and HE DID. He went to this young lady's mothers job and shared that he just met me, his biological sister, who could possibly be related to her daughter as well. A few hours later on that SAME day, I received a phone call from a young lady by the name of Janelle ... she asked me a million and one questions that day ... but we connected right away ... she then called her father and I had the opportunity to talk to him on a three way called and I shared with him who I knew my birth mother to be ... and indeed he knew who my birth mother was ... they use to hang out together and live together ... he called my mother his CLUB PARTNAH ... lol.
He began to share things with me about my mother ... MY MOTHER WAS OFF THE HOOK! lol ... He told me how people were scared of her, she loved to fight, and could dress her butt off, loved basketball and pool. WOW ... Sounds like me when I was growing up!!!! SCAREY!!!! Anyway ... he went on to share some REAL DEEP THINGS about my mother and his brother ... (things I won't get into on here, but when my book is released ... I will share) ...
One thing that really touched me that night after talking to him was this:
"Sweety, I don't know if my brother is your father or not, my brother was out there and it's very possible, we know that he has ALOT of children all over, but claims NONE, only the 3 that currently live with him. But sweety, it doesn't matter if you are his or not, you are STILL MY NIECE just because of who your mother is. I loved that woman, that was my good friend, and I miss her, you have gained an Uncle, and you are loved."
As Uncle Gene spoke these words, Tears began to stream down my voice, and his voice began to weaken, and I noticed that we were both in tears. I can't remember what all I responded to all that he said, but whatever I said, he shared that I sounded just like my biological mother.
To hear that you sound like the woman who birthed you, a woman you've never had the opportunity to meet ... meant a lot to me.
Can I tell you that Uncle Gene called me almost every day after that ... every conversation I was able to hear more and more stories about the woman who birthed me. What a blessing!
My Cousin Janelle (Uncle Gene's Daughter, My Oldest brother's first cousin and my younger brother's Ex-girlfriend - YES! I know WHEW! lololol) ended up giving me another Uncle's number and I had the pleasure of talking to him as well and it was Ironic because he said almost the exact thing that Uncle Gene said. It blew my mind!!! Even my uncles wives were very receptive of me ... I have the pleasure of calling them my Aunts ... It's a BEAUTIFUL BLESSING!!!! I realize that NOBODY could have done this, THIS WAY, BUT GOD!!!
I must say they are a bunch of SWEET people ... and it's a blessing to have people who were a part of my birth mother's life ... NOW a part of mine. You can't tell that we've only been talking since the ending of last year ... it's as if we have been in eachother's lives all of our lives. NOBODY BUT GOD!
I AM TRULY BLESSED!!!!
I haven't had the opportunity to meet their brother, my oldest brother's father, and my possible father, although I have driven by his home ... too nervous to approach the house. But I guess in due time ... a CHANGE WILL COME! I realize EVERYTHING has a SET TIME and PURPOSE. I know some will probably question: "Tee, Does this man know you exist and have been in touch with his brothers?" ...
The Answer is NO. Unfortunately, He and his brothers are not on speaking terms at the present, and haven't been for several years. And NO, this man has no idea that I am looking for him, and who knows, he may not even know I exist or even care for that matter ...
But I am not affected by that or the thought of that ... YET ...
I am Patiently awaiting for the RIGHT time to do the RIGHT thing ...
Ok, I wanted to share this portion and will be back SOON to share more and give you an UPDATE on the relationship between my two brothers and I.
Continue to keep us ALL in your prayers!
Until Next Time ...
Regardless ... STILL FAMILY ...
Does BLOOD really make one family? The Average person would probably say yes, but to an Adoptee like myself, We say Different!
LOVE makes one Family! UNITY makes one Family! and most of all ... GOD makes one Family!
I know that it's been quite a while since I have written a blog, and several of you have asked me what was going on in my world (A sistah has been extremely busy)... Well before I go THERE ... I have to share this particular story that took place in my life the ending of last year (2007).
One of my biological brothers, I have two, but the one I am talking about is the one right above me. He and I was talking one day and I began to question him if he knew who my father was and did he have any idea who is father was or who our other brothers father was or most importantly, Did we all have the same father? He shared with me that He knew for sure that he and I did not share the same father, but it was a strong possibility that my oldest brother and I shared the same father. Hmmm, that would mean that our mother got involved with my middle brothers father and then decided to jump backwards to my oldest brother's father and have me. Hmmm lol ... OOOO K!
Anyway ... he told me that he use to date one of my oldest brothers cousins (YES! I know what is going through your head, because believe me that same thought and awkward look went through mine as well LOL) ... He went on to tell me that at the time they were dating they had NO idea that she and our oldest brother was related. But one day my brothers THEN girlfriend/oldest brothers cousin was being questioned by her mom as to who was this mystery man she was dating ... she then shared my brothers name, and her mom proceeded to ask of his last name ... she shared that as well ... AND A SUDDEN 'LIGHTBULB" went off in her mother's head and she made the following statement to her daughter: "I BELIEVE YOU ARE DATING YOUR COUSIN!, THAT IS SO and SO's SON"
Can you imagine what went through her head?
WOW!!!!
EXACTLY!!!!
ANYWAY ... they all learned that this young lady's father was my oldest brother's uncle. His brother is my oldest brother's father! So this along with some other things caused my younger brother and this young lady to end their relationship.
OK DID YOU ALL GET THAT??? (That was ALOT to inhale I know) lol ...
NOW ..........
My younger brother shared that he could get in touch with this young lady (his ex) and have her call me ... and HE DID. He went to this young lady's mothers job and shared that he just met me, his biological sister, who could possibly be related to her daughter as well. A few hours later on that SAME day, I received a phone call from a young lady by the name of Janelle ... she asked me a million and one questions that day ... but we connected right away ... she then called her father and I had the opportunity to talk to him on a three way called and I shared with him who I knew my birth mother to be ... and indeed he knew who my birth mother was ... they use to hang out together and live together ... he called my mother his CLUB PARTNAH ... lol.
He began to share things with me about my mother ... MY MOTHER WAS OFF THE HOOK! lol ... He told me how people were scared of her, she loved to fight, and could dress her butt off, loved basketball and pool. WOW ... Sounds like me when I was growing up!!!! SCAREY!!!! Anyway ... he went on to share some REAL DEEP THINGS about my mother and his brother ... (things I won't get into on here, but when my book is released ... I will share) ...
One thing that really touched me that night after talking to him was this:
"Sweety, I don't know if my brother is your father or not, my brother was out there and it's very possible, we know that he has ALOT of children all over, but claims NONE, only the 3 that currently live with him. But sweety, it doesn't matter if you are his or not, you are STILL MY NIECE just because of who your mother is. I loved that woman, that was my good friend, and I miss her, you have gained an Uncle, and you are loved."
As Uncle Gene spoke these words, Tears began to stream down my voice, and his voice began to weaken, and I noticed that we were both in tears. I can't remember what all I responded to all that he said, but whatever I said, he shared that I sounded just like my biological mother.
To hear that you sound like the woman who birthed you, a woman you've never had the opportunity to meet ... meant a lot to me.
Can I tell you that Uncle Gene called me almost every day after that ... every conversation I was able to hear more and more stories about the woman who birthed me. What a blessing!
My Cousin Janelle (Uncle Gene's Daughter, My Oldest brother's first cousin and my younger brother's Ex-girlfriend - YES! I know WHEW! lololol) ended up giving me another Uncle's number and I had the pleasure of talking to him as well and it was Ironic because he said almost the exact thing that Uncle Gene said. It blew my mind!!! Even my uncles wives were very receptive of me ... I have the pleasure of calling them my Aunts ... It's a BEAUTIFUL BLESSING!!!! I realize that NOBODY could have done this, THIS WAY, BUT GOD!!!
I must say they are a bunch of SWEET people ... and it's a blessing to have people who were a part of my birth mother's life ... NOW a part of mine. You can't tell that we've only been talking since the ending of last year ... it's as if we have been in eachother's lives all of our lives. NOBODY BUT GOD!
I AM TRULY BLESSED!!!!
I haven't had the opportunity to meet their brother, my oldest brother's father, and my possible father, although I have driven by his home ... too nervous to approach the house. But I guess in due time ... a CHANGE WILL COME! I realize EVERYTHING has a SET TIME and PURPOSE. I know some will probably question: "Tee, Does this man know you exist and have been in touch with his brothers?" ...
The Answer is NO. Unfortunately, He and his brothers are not on speaking terms at the present, and haven't been for several years. And NO, this man has no idea that I am looking for him, and who knows, he may not even know I exist or even care for that matter ...
But I am not affected by that or the thought of that ... YET ...
I am Patiently awaiting for the RIGHT time to do the RIGHT thing ...
Ok, I wanted to share this portion and will be back SOON to share more and give you an UPDATE on the relationship between my two brothers and I.
Continue to keep us ALL in your prayers!
Until Next Time ...
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