Today is HER Birthday ...

[Written on: NOVEMBER 24, 2008]

I know that its been a good minute since I have written in my blog. I know several of you have been asking what's the latest updates on my brothers ... and I PROMISE You that in my NEXT blog, I will share my brothers with you. I will tell you this: BOTH of my brothers are alive and well and we still keep in touch.

But Today brought about another stroke of the "keys" (Keyboard keys people) LOL ...

I was awakened out of my sleep this morning by an alarm on my phone, a Birthday Alarm (I have a certain ringer for that) ... anyway ... it went off and the chime of: "Happy Birthday To You" began ... I grabbed my phone and when I opened it WAHDAH. this is what it read: "MY BIRTHMOTHERS BIRTHDAY" ...

IMMEDIATELY tears began to well up in my eyes, I sat up and stared at my phone for a good 2 to 3 minutes. All kinds of feelings, I began to feel. The very first one was: SADNESS ... I felt this way because I didn't have the privy of running into her room or calling her on the phone and singing or saying: "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM". I then went and pulled out My Photo Album and took my birthmoms picture out and as I stared at the woman who gave birth to me, I started to have questions: 'Mom, Where are you?" ... "Mom, how are you going to celebrate your birthday today?" "Will I be a thought at all in your head today?" ...

I then felt myself becoming ANXIOUS ... but not understanding WHY I WAS ANXIOUS and WHAT WAS I ANXIOUS for? It wasn't as if I was going to be able to pick up the phone and say: "Mom, get ready, I am taking you out for your birthday today" ... "It wasn't as if I could be there to see her eating a piece of her birthday cake" ... So what on earth was I ANXIOUS for? (I STILL DON'T KNOW) ...

I then drifted in thought ... I began to IMAGINE she and I out celebrating her big day ... her making a wish and blowing out her birthday candles, then my mom looking up at me and uttering these words: "I didn't have to make a wish, because my wish has already come true the day that you and I reunited" ... We then embraced and began to share tears together, not those of sadness but TEARS OF JOY! ...

Now although this was just an IMAGINARY THOUGHT ... When I came to myself: My TEARS were very real ...

I then felt myself becoming upset with life ... feeling as though ... it wasn't fair ... but I knew there was nothing else for me to do at this point, but PRAY! Because the enemy has a tendency in situations like this to cause depression and I have come to GRIPS with ADOPTION and I REFUSE to be bound my depression over this ... So I did what I KNEW could get me out of this state ... I PRAYED and I began to talk to GOD and ask HIM to help me get through this entire day with strength! I then prayed and asked GOD that wherever My Birth Mother is ... whatever she is doing ... whom ever she is with ... Keep Watch Over Her! I also asked GOD to allow ME (her daughter) to be a Thought in her mind ... A whisper in her ear and a beat in my moms heart.

I am in no wise upset with the fact that my birth mother chose to give me up for adoption 33 years ago ... when I look back over my life ... learn of the hardships that my both of my brothers had to go through and endure ... I can't help but GIVE GOD PRAISE ... I can't help but say THANK YOU to GOD ... but not only THANK GOD, but I am GRATEFUL to my birthmother for making the WISE choice to give me up so that I could have a better chance at life.(I have been blessed beyond measure with a beautiful Mother and Father ... They are the BEST!) I LOVE HER FOR THIS ... Now my prayer is that ONE day I will be able to come face to face with the woman who birthed me and tell her how grateful I am ... that I have nothing to complain about ... no reasons to be mad, and that I am Thankful for her decision ... and that every since learning of her ... I have loved her and LOVE HER STILL!

How can you love someone you have never seen? (Is this your Question?) ... I have never seen GOD either ... but I KNOW HE EXISTS! (Prayerfully that answered your question) ...

Can I tell you that AFTER that prayer ... I began to feel MUCH better! I know that in GODS time .... I will come Face to Face with my Birth Mother.

So I ask all those who have a prayer life ... who know GOD and who believe in the POWER of prayer ... I ask YOU to continue to pray for me, touch and agree with me IN prayer that she and I come face to face one day SOON. (smile) ... Thank you so much!

**Note: I learned when my birth mothers birthday was in April of THIS YEAR by the Adoption Agency I was adopted through.**

Until Next Time ... Stay Prayerful ... Stay Blessed ... Stay Faithful ... Stay Favored ... and most importantly ... Stay YOU!