[Written on JUNE 16, 2008]
WOW! I never thought that I would be sitting here TODAY, writing about something like THIS ...
As we all know, TODAY is FATHER'S DAY. A day that was set aside to celebrate Fathers all over the world. I can honestly say that I have been blessed with a GREAT FATHER! I realize that everything happens for a reason. Today was a blessing to sit and share this time with my dad. He has always been such a hard-worker, a fabulous provider, a man that taught me and showed me (by treating my mother right) how I should be treated by a man. Truly, MY FATHER is a KING!!! I love him!
Something happened to today that actually took me by storm. As many of you know, I am an Adoptee, learned of this BY ACCIDENT @ the age of 18 ... (read previous blogs, along with profile to learn a lil more about this). But from age 18 up until NOW (33) ... I have never really given thought about my biological father ... I believe he came across my mind on a Father's Day perhaps 3 or 4 years ago, and it was just that ... a thought ... quick ... non-dwelling. Please do not ask me why that is, because to be honest, I DON'T KNOW WHY ...
But TODAY, sitting in church, my Pastor was delivering the RHEMA, and Today's message was: "A FATHER KNOWS BEST" ... The Sermon was a Powerful, heart-touching, and soul-searching. The Men today were extremely blessed ... to see some of the men and their eyes full of tears ... WHEW! I TELL YA ... but nevertheless ... My mind drifted during a quick segment of the message, when my Pastor said: "There are some people sitting here this morning, who don't know their fathers ... but GOD is a Father to the Fatherless ... then my pastor continued with ...When my Mother and Father Forsake me, then the Lord will take me up" ... My Mind Drifted, My Eyes welled up and My HEART cried out for my BIRTHFATHER, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hold back the tears ...
Those tears of "loss" ... (while in church) began to turn into tears of JOY, because I could feel the presence of GOD ... **CHURCH WAS OFF THE CHAIN!!!!** ... Ok, If I continue to talk about that ... I will GET HAPPY!!! lol ... So I'm going to leave that alone ...
OK, ...
On my way home from church, I made several phone calls and text a few to wish those men that I knew were Fathers ... A Happy Father's Day... but when I realized that I couldn't call or text the man whose "seed" got me here ... tears began to well up again ...
I pull up to my home, I see the cars of various family members, I wipe my tears, whisper a prayer of: "GOD, HELP ME" ... and then I walk in my door, and smiled like nothing was wrong and nothing was bothering me ... I continued on like normal ... walked into the kitchen where the food was and the family was gathered ... and when we got ready to partake in this family dinner, everyone gathered and hands were held, and I, next to my dad, and my uncle on the other side of me ... for the FIRST time ever, I was wishing that the other man's hand (my uncle) I was holding was my birth father. What a blessing it would have been to be holding the hands of these two men. My Father and My Father *smile*
We ate, we laughed, we took pictures, we video taped, we played games, we watched movies ... and as people began to leave, and the house became quiet again ... and I found myself in the living room all alone ...
I CRIED OUT FOR MY BIRTH FATHER (it has always been about my Birth mother) BUT TODAY was DIFFERENT ... it was about him and I sat here ... wondering WHO he was? ... wondering WHERE is he? ... wondering at anytime do I cross his mind? ... wondering who else is he sharing and spending this particular day with?
I HAD A SERIOUS MOMENT YALL!!! It was a lil scary, because like I shared in the beginning of this blog, I have NEVER done this before. He has never been so strong on my mind as he was today. A part of me for a while has been saying, I wasn't going to take the effort to search for him, but after what I experienced today ... this has changed ... I NEED TO KNOW WHO HE IS ...
Interesting ... I was told that my oldest brother and I have the SAME father (no one knows for sure though)... and I don't want to share too much of that in THIS particular blog, because that's a whole nother blog in itself... A GOOD ONE I MIGHT ADD!!! *(SMILE)* But the only problem is, IF this man is My Father, he might not want anything to do with me or claim me, because he wants NOTHING to do with my brother who HE knows is his but refuses to claim him and from what I have been told, HE claims very FEW of his children, story has it ... there is more than 20 floating around ... YES, I said MORE than 20! lol ....
YANO, I might write about this particular story (I hate calling it that, because anyone can make up a story, so I will call it ... MY TRUTH!) tonight.
But nevertheless, this was something NEW for me and I NEEDED to write about it ...
I know that they say LAUGHTER is GOOD MEDICINE (and it is) but TONIGHT, WRITING WAS GOOD MEDICINE FOR ME!
Thanks for listening (well reading) lol ...
Ya'll Stay Blessed and Keep a Sistah in Your Prayers ...
**WOW@ MY THINKING EVERYONE HAD LEFT, THEY ARE DOWNSTAIRS WATCHING THE GAME** LOLOLOL WOW!!! I HEARD MY POPS YELL ... YES! ... and I come rushing downstairs ... and all the men are watching the game lol ... WOW! I was in SOME ZONE to think they had left lololol ...
SEE WHY I NEED YALL PRAYERS!!! AHAHAHA!!!!
Ok, lemme go and finish watching the game myself ... Lata!
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